ELAINE HENDRIKS SMITH, PH.D.

Very few of my summer break days have started quietly, as some days I’m off to teach at Young Actors Theatre, build a set for Mean Girls, or rehearse with Theatre With a Mission here in Tallahassee. Some days I have a writing group, morning meeting, or need to do a lumber haul. But, each weekday, I wake up and smell the freshly brewed coffee my husband has made me, feel the warmth of the Florida sun streaming through the door wall, as my puppies snuggle up next to me fuzzy and happy – and I know – THIS is the way to start a day. With coffee, sunshine, and love.

On days like today, my goal is research and writing for my dissertation. These are good days. Now, as I’m about to take a break (that includes walking my dogs, who are scratching at my legs for attention), I am proud of how hard I have worked to get here, grateful for the silence that is only broken by puppies at the moment, and happy that my home is a place I want to spend time to study, especially because I’m nursing a summer cold – so staying away from the FSU library this week.

I look forward to forming my buckets of research into a coherent shape for my dissertation. I am excited that I can see multiple ways to tackle this project, and I hope that my indecision at the moment will wane as I take the next steps in narrowing down my thoughts about German Expressionism (...so many thoughts…).

I came to Flordia State thinking I would write about anxiety and teen performers, who, while anxiety grows throughout society, deal with the excess energy it provides by applying it to their performances. I have been impressed by so many young artists over the years in all facets of the theatre who take control of their anxiety when working on a show. I will return to this again one day, but, because of the pandemic, I was unable to do this research for a few years. I am grateful though, because as my thinking shifted, I found anxiety within the plays themselves.

Now I am looking at a time when artists engaged with extreme emotion on stage – and the revolution that was – German Expressionism. It’s all linked to me. Anxiety, the teens who inspire me daily, my research. I am grateful for the journey, and those who guided me to this place I am in now, a Ph.D. candidate at Florida State University School of Theatre.

Now it’s time to make choices and use my extra energy to take the next step in my dissertation process…but first, these dogs need a walk.